Gloomy Day Outside

Did not have a good evening yesterday. I felt very lost and alone. Kept thinking so much about Ben and still not believing that I am going to have to live the rest of my life without him. This was not supposed to happen. We were supposed to grow old together. We were going to be that cute little old couple who had been married for 50 years and were still in love and still holding hands. I sobbed and Hiker kept barking at me to stop. I don't know why, but I am not looking forward to going from 2011 to 2012. For some reason, it makes me feel like I'm losing Ben even more because it will be a different year from when he passed away, as if time is pushing him even further away from me. Plus it makes me realize more that I am really going to have to live the rest of my life without him. When Hiker and I woke up this morning, it was dark, cloudy and windy. We stayed in bed until 8:00 and then got up, had breakfast and went for a 1.5 mile walk. By then it had cleared up a little, but was still partly cloudy. Came home and started having problems with my WIFI router. All this time I thought I was having a bad connection with my provider (Time Warner). My Internet was down for about an hour and I finally plugged the Ethernet cable directly into my laptop and it worked just fine. Plugged it back into my router and no Internet again. Kept resetting, unplugging, plugging in, etc. and finally the router started to work again but don't know why. I may have to get a new one. I got this one just about a year ago so if it is going bad, it sure didn't last very long. Told my brother Keith that I may need to get a new one when he comes out for his visit the end of this month. It got really cloudy again around 11:00 am just before the gardener came. At least he got the yard mowed in case it starts to rain later. Since the weather was not so great outside, Hiker and I stayed in most of the day watching TV.