Mostly Cloudy Day

Sometimes it crosses my mind that I am paying all of the bills on my own with no financial assistance from Ben or anyone else and sometimes it really scares me. Also, I don't know what I would do without Hiker. She is the reason I get up in the morning. If I didn't have her, I think I would roll up into a ball and just fade away. I had a major grief attack this morning. I was thinking of the day that one of the Kaiser doctors said right in front of Ben that he may not ever be the same again and that he would be on a ventilator for the rest of his life. I remember Ben started to cry and he looked at me and said “I don't want to die” and I promised him that he was NOT going to die, that he would get well and come home eventually. I feel more guilty about not keeping that promise to him than I do about taking him off of the life-sustaining medications because by the time we stopped the meds, he was already too far gone to come back. Anyway, I had a very hard time this morning...the worst I've had in awhile. It was still very gray and cloudy this morning and drizzling a little, so could not take Hiker out for a morning walk. I stopped taking the Red Yeast Rice as of last Saturday. I was really starting to get back muscle pain and I was feeling fatigued, plus I was having dizzy spells. I've been off of it for 2 solid days now and the muscle pain has resided quite a bit and I don't feel quite as tired. Still a little light headed. My older brother Ron was taking it too and he was having bad muscle pain in his shoulder, so he stopped taking it a couple of days ago also. He said the pain in his shoulder is not as bad now. I emailed my doctor and told him I had stopped taking it and he wrote back suggesting I take COQ10 as it should help stop the muscle pain. I told him I've been taking that supplement for 4 to 5 years as I started taking it back when my other doctor was trying me on all of the statins. The sun popped out partially, so I took Hiker for a 1 mile walk around our gated community. Linda had wanted to go for a walk over at Central Park and I was going to go pick her up and go with her, but she misplaced her car/house keys and would not be able to get back into the house if she locked it up. At least the short walk around here satisfied Hiker.

Hiker catching some afternoon rays: