Bad Memories But A Pretty Good Day

One year ago this date I rushed Ben to the ER at Henry Mayo Newhall Hospital. He still was not feeling well since the colonoscopy and asked me to take his blood pressure. When I could not even get it to register because it was so low, I rushed him over to the ER where they told me that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being close to death, he was a 9. They told me I had saved his life by bringing him to the closest ER instead of trying to take him over to Kaiser again which was 23 miles away. I had already taken him to the Kaiser ER twice the week before and they just kept sending him home even though he could not go to the bathroom, he could not eat and he was so bloated he looked like he was 9 months pregnant. Toxins had backed up into his system and he was very sick. They did emergency exploratory surgery on Ben that night and found his colon was twisted which was causing a blockage. The removed 12” of his colon and put him into an induced coma for several days so he could heal. Little did I know then that in 4 1/2 months, he would be dead. I was at the hospital every single day for those 4 1/2 months, except for a couple of days the first week when he was in the coma. I had gotten a bad virus and I didn't want to infect him. I had so many people telling me that I didn't need to go to see him every single day, but I am now so thankful that I did. Took Hiker out for a short 1 mile walk. It was about 34° while we were out this morning. Hiker wore her jacket and she didn't seem to mind it this time. Today was my grief support group. Had a very good session. After the group 5 of us ladies went to lunch at Cathy's Deli. The food was very good. When I got home, Hiker just about ate me alive because she was so happy to see me. I took her out for a 30 minute walk to calm her down. Tomorrow morning I am going to go over to Kaiser to have blood work done. Since I cannot tolerate statin drugs my doctor had told me to try taking OTC Red Yeast Rice to see if it will help lower my cholesterol numbers. I had emailed him to see if I could take another blood test to see if it is doing any good because if it's not, there is no need for me to spend the extra money on it. I had read online that due to government regulations, the manufacturers of Red Yeast Rice were told to remove the natural statins that were in the supplement. I assume the drug companies brought that about because they were losing out on money because people were using the Red Yeast Rice instead of manufactured statins that cost to much more.

It Was A Dark And Cloudy Day

Yesterday Linda had texted me about us taking a hike this morning. We had planned on going over to Pico Canyon. When Hiker woke me up around 5:30 to go potty, I looked outside and the sky looked very threatening. Dark and cloudy. I texted Linda and told her we'd better not risk the hike because I didn't want to be in the canyon and have it start pouring down rain on us. I turned on the morning news to get a weather report and they said there was a chance of rain, but more than that, there was a chance for snow at the 2000 foot level. The canyon we would be hiking is about that altitude. So Hiker and I went back to sleep for awhile. When we got up, I made breakfast and then took Hiker for a short 1 mile walk just to satisfy her. I felt so sorry for her this morning. Last night I had told her that Linda would come by in the morning and we would go for a hike. Hiker knows the words “Linda” and “Hike”. She knows that when Linda comes, we usually do go out for a hike. Last night Hiker's ears were up and she was so excited when I told her about going hiking. She saw me put my backpack out and she got even more excited. This morning, I put my backpack away and Hiker's ears drooped and she looked so sad. That's why I took her out for the short walk. She doesn't care how far we walk, just the fact that she gets out makes her happy. It was cold when we went out for the walk. I went up to Costco. I had not been there since about a month after Ben died. They have the best sheepherders bread and the best canned chili. Ben and I used to go there just to get these two things and that's why I went this morning. The chili is called Cattle Drive. It is sold exclusively at Costco and as my friend Rick says “it tastes like home made chili”. After lunch, Hiker was getting “antsy” because she was in the house most of the morning. I decided to take her out for another 1 mile walk. It was very dark and cloudy when we started out and very chilly. We got back home just in time because we no more than got to my driveway and it started hailing and hailed for about 45 minutes or so.

OK, so Hiker normally wakes me up around 5:30 to 5:45 am to go outside to potty, then she comes back to bed and sleeps with me until around 6:15 to 6:30 am when she wakes me up again so I'll feed her. She usually starts crying, licking my ears and barking and won't stop until I get up and do what needs to be done. This morning, I woke up and noticed it was already light outside. Sat up and looked at the clock and it was almost 6:45 and Hiker was not in the room with me. I called her and she came running in and jumped up on the bed, so I got up and let her outside and then fed her. Either she did not try to wake me up this morning, which I find very strange, or she did try to wake me up and was not able to do so. But that would be strange too, because as I said, she usually licks my ears and barks and does not stop until she wakes me up. She also will “claw” at me with her front feet if I don't pay attention to her. I got dressed and had my breakfast, then I went to get my Lottery tickets and also went to Stater Brothers to get so soda pop that was on sale. Took Hiker out for a short 1 mile walk and then came home and put my sheets and towels into the washer, vacuumed Hiker's hair out of the carpet and also ran the dishwasher. After lunch I took Hiker over to Central Park and we walked around a little and sat on the grass and watched people for awhile. I noticed that every park I drove by that there was a lot of families in them. I'm assuming that with the economy, people go to places not far from home to save on gasoline and parks are always free. Sundays still get to me when it comes to missing Ben. Sundays just feel lonelier than other days. I think about Ben all of the time, but for some reason, on Sundays I seem to have more thoughts and memories about him.

A Day For Doing Nothing

Hiker and I stayed in bed an extra hour this morning. Wasn't sleeping, we were watching TV. When we got up earlier for Hiker to go potty, there was a thick marine layer outside, but when we got up, the marine layer was gone and the sun was out. Put a small beef roast with some potatoes in the crock pot for dinner tonight and then did a load of laundry. Hiker and I have been eating pretty good this week. Last week when I went shopping, I bought a rotisserie chicken at Sam's Club, which we have been eating off of all week...dinners, sandwiches, etc. Last night I made a small meatloaf for dinner and now tonight the roast. Did not go out for any walks today because my feet were still a little bit sore, but they were a lot better than they were yesterday. I could barely walk on them last night. Watched TV, was on my computer and worked on my latest jigsaw puzzle. I took a fall today. I ate my lunch in front of the TV with my tray as usual. When I got up to take my tray into the kitchen, I tripped over the small ottoman next to the sofa and felt myself falling, so I just let it happen. I think when we stiffen up and try to catch ourselves we are more apt to break something. Luckily I have carpeting so my fall was cushioned. Hiker jumped off the sofa and started barking and going crazy then she slowly crawled over to me on her belly and the hair on her back was standing on end. Don't know what she was thinking. Anyway, now my back is hurting some because I must have twisted it when I fell. Actually, my entire body aches. Will have to soak in a hot tub tonight.

Sore Feet

Another night of not getting to sleep until after midnight. Got up at our normal time and made breakfast then I went out to pick up some things I needed at the store. Hiker was so excited because she thought she was going to go with me and I started out the door with her but then realized how hot it was outside already and brought her right back into the house and told her she had to stay home. She looked so sad and I felt so bad about it because she had been so happy to be going with me at first, but I didn't want to leave her in a hot car while I was in the store. By 9:00 am it was already 70° and windy. The Santa Ana Winds always blow hot winds and bring the temps up. When I got back from the store, I immediately took Hiker out for a short 1 mile walk because I had felt so bad about disappointing her. The blisters on the balls of my feet started to hurt me again, so we didn't stay out long. I had hoped they were not blisters, but they are. By 11:00 am, it was almost 80°. I cannot believe how beautiful the weather has been, but they say starting Sunday it will change and we will have the marine layer and possible drizzle. I noticed last night that all of my new TV channels had unscrambled already. That was not supposed to happen until February 29th, so now I supposedly have about 500 channels, but a lot of those are sports channels and/or duplicate channels, but I have a lot more than I did before. Sure hope the blisters on my feet heal quickly. I can hardly walk now. Hiker wants to go for her afternoon walk and I cannot take her. It was hard enough for me to walk up to the mailbox earlier. Hope the blisters heal over the weekend.

Video Of Hiker Getting Her Toys Out In The Morning

I had promised that I would post a video of Hiker getting her toys out one by one so here it is.