Warm & Muggy Wednesday

This morning when I woke up, I was thinking that Ben was in the other room on the computer. I thought that was strange because yesterday at grief group, Pete, one of the members said that sometimes he wakes up thinking his wife is in the kitchen making coffee. I had to get up about an hour earlier than normal because I had to take my 4Runner over to the Toyota dealer for service. I hate doing this as it was “Ben's job”, but I think he would be proud of me knowing that I have taken over the things he used to do and that I'm getting them done and taking care of things. I was at the dealer for over an hour waiting for the car. After I left there, I had to go over to the Kaiser pharmacy and pick up my refills for my blood pressure meds. Sometimes I don't know why I bother taking them. I no longer have any trust or faith in Kaiser. I'm afraid now to go for my physical/colonoscopy/female exams with them next year. Brought the 4Runner home and then jumped in the Corolla and headed over to Sam's Club to pick up a few things. I actually got a hamburger patty out of the freezer this morning along with a hamburger bun to defrost for dinner. Maybe some of my brain is coming back. I think Ben took it with him. After lunch, I went up to Stater Brothers Market. I needed to get some soda and some ice cream because my brother Keith is coming to spend the weekend with me. When Ben was in the hospital, I quit eating ice cream. It has always been my “vice”. When we were told that Ben was not going to be able to have is “beloved beer” anymore, I decided I'd give up my ice cream to kind of “help him along”, showing him that we could both give up something we loved. I should not eat a lot of ice cream because of my cholesterol, but I don't care anymore, so I eat it whenever I want now. Very warm and muggy here today.