Woeful Wednesday

Another good quote...

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal~From a headstone in Ireland”

Went to bed with a headache last night. Had to take some Tylenol. I think I slept pretty much through the night but woke up around 4:30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Got up and made breakfast then vacuumed the carpet. Didn't feel like dusting so I just said to heck with it. No one here but me to see the dust anyway. I really hate housework. Maybe one of these days I'll see if I can find a cleaning woman to come in a couple of times a month. Went out and watered my plants and filled the bird bath. I've noticed that I have 3 or 4 hummingbirds at my feeder every day. A couple of them are large for hummers. Went to Sam's Club and picked up a few things. It's no fun going to Sam's Club anymore. Ben used to love to go over there and just wander around the entire store to see what they had and to try the food samples. Tomorrow I go to The Gentle Barn for my first day of volunteering there. I'm beginning to wonder if have bitten off more than I can chew there. Especially the part about keeping the animals away from the 1000 lb pig and vice versa. Also, it's going to be in the 90's tomorrow and I'll be outside for 4 hours from 9:00 am to 1:00 pm. I'm going to put on a lot of sun block before I go and take my big brimmed straw hat. I promised them I'd be there so I will keep my promise. Went for an afternoon walk around 2:30, did 1.4 miles in 25 minutes. It was about 87º which was about 20º cooler than it has been. I cried most of the time I was walking. I just cannot seem to get by one single day anymore without shedding tears. Everything makes me think of Ben. Yesterday in our grief group, we were discussing one of the “new” stages of grief which is “Yearning”. I did some research on it today and found that a studies done with people attending grief support groups shows that “it's the constant nagging desire for one last word, one last touch, or one last sight of the person who has died. The word “yearning” describes it well. Also it has been observed that somewhere between 3-6 months the full reality of the death hits, and with it the full impact of the loss.” Ben has been gone for 11 weeks now (almost 3 months), so I think I am entering this “Yearning Grief Stage”.