Friday, July 22, 2011
Did not get to sleep last night until about 1:15 am. I'm told it's called "grief induced insomnia". Got up early because Linda was coming by at 7:45 am to follow me over to the Toyota dealer so I could get my car fixed and checked out. She was going to drive me back home, but as it turned out, the service advisor told us we could wait as it would only take about an hour. Once I told him why I was there, he said this is a common occurrence. He said that the "splash plates" under the engine have plastics fasteners and when something hits them, they snap off and since my plate was still there and would not have to be replaced it would not take long. So the put new fasteners and checked out to make sure there was no other damage and in an hour and $49.00 later, I was out of there. I was relieved it was ONLY $49.00. Brought Linda's car back to my house and then went by Home Depot get a sprinkler part I needed then went by Wal-Mart and then headed over to a thrift shop in Newhall where Linda wanted to donate some clothing. Went to Costco to pick up the chicken thighs for the memorial tomorrow. Came back to my house and I sat on the sofa and cried for about 30 minutes as Linda listened to me talk about Ben. Then we decided where we wanted to go for lunch. Ended up at Arby's. After lunch we went by the store and got some bags of ice for the memorial. Came back to my house to make sure we had everything we need for tomorrow. We were going to go out for a ride and take some photos, but just ended up staying at my house. Linda left a little after 2:00 pm and I did a load of laundry. People keep asking me if I'm "looking forward" to the memorial tomorrow because it is to celebrate Ben's life, but no, I am not looking forward to it. I am looking forward to seeing friends and family, but not to the sobbing I know I will do. Linda keeps telling me that tomorrow I am NOT to worry about the food or anything else. She said my job is to just greet everyone at the door. She knows me too well. She knows I am the type who would be trying to "supervise" everything. But I know it's all in good hands with her taking care of it. I just feel like tomorrow is the "beginning of the end" and that bothers me some.