Sunday, July 17, 2011
Last night I really had a bad night. Did a lot of sobbing/wailing, being very mad at God because He took Ben from me. Went to bed around 10:00 pm but could not go to sleep. I think I finally went to sleep around 1:30 am. Got up around 7:45 am and had breakfast and washed my sheets and towels. Then I went out and washed both of my vehicles. They were both filthy. When I was done doing that I decided I'd head for Kohl's since I had received a $10 gift card from them. When Ben was in the hospital, I received a couple of those cards but was not in the mood to go shopping, so I had given the cards to my friend Linda to use. I'm still not really in that much of a mood to shop, but I thought it might help keep my mind occupied. On the way to Kohl's, I stopped a bought Ben's Super Lotto ticket. Did good at Kohl's. I found 2 nice T-shirts for $5.99 each, so with the card, they only cost me $2.15 out of pocket. After I left Kohl's, I headed over to Target to look at their discount racks, but found nothing, then I drove by PetSmart to see if they had the adoption dogs there, but they were not there yet. I assume they come later in the day. Came home and made my bed and put the towels away. Made lunch and watched a little TV. Checked out Facebook and noticed it was "National Ice Cream Day" and remembered I was almost out of ice cream. I had given up ice cream when Ben was in the hospital, but after he died, I started eating it again because it "gives me a little comfort". Seems like all I am eating is "comfort foods" which are not really good for me, but they are easier to make for just one person. I headed over to the market and picked up a couple half-gallons of ice cream. When I got home, I decided to dust everything in the house. I had not dusted in over 5 months, so everything was covered in 2 or 3 layers of the stuff. Thought about going for a walk, but by then it was in the mid-90s outside so it was too hot. Thought about going for a drive to take photos somewhere, but just cannot think about where to go. As I had said before, when Ben was alive, he would want to go for a drive every Sunday, but he usually drove and he would just jump behind the wheel of the car and head out aimlessly. I don't like to do that by myself. So I've just been sitting on the sofa watching HGTV and playing online computer games. I've had a slight headache most of the day. Probably from lack of sleep.