Friday, November 4, 2011

I Used To Like Rainy Days. I Don't Anymore.

I had a short dream about Ben last night. He was not very clear in the dream. It seems we were at a mall somewhere and a bunch of protestors came marching and into the mall. Ben said we'd better get out of there so we headed for the parking lot. He went ahead of me, which was strange because I always walked faster than him. By the time I got to where the car was supposed to be parked, he and the car were gone and I was standing there all alone, then I woke up. I'm thinking his "going ahead of me" and the fact that he left me alone in the parking lot represented his dying before me and me being left alone. That is the first time I've dreamed about him since about a week after he died and he's been gone almost 5 months now. We had a rain super cell go though here between 4:00 am and 6:00 am this morning. It was pouring off and on during those 2 hours and Hiker didn't know what to think. She got under the covers next to me. By 7:00 it had stopped, so I took Hiker for a short 1 mile walk. When we got home, her belly and feet were sopping wet but she loved me drying her off with the towel. I went over to Big Lots because they were supposed to have a 7” tablet PC on sale. Today was supposed to be the first day on sale for their Big Lots Club Members and tomorrow is the day they are supposed to be on sale for the rest of the public. Well I got there as soon as they opened this morning and they told me they were all sold out already. I think the employees buy them up before they even put them out for anyone else. Hiker wanted to go for another walk in the afternoon, but it started raining again and was getting cold. I even had to turn my heater on. Went out onto the patio with Hiker this afternoon. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds. Thoughts of Ben flashed through my mind and I cried for about 10 minutes. When I do that, I feel so empty and so helpless. I still cannot believe that Ben is really gone.

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