Thursday, November 3, 2011

More Memories Flood My Mind

It seems that memories of Ben are flooding back into my mind a lot more lately. I'm guessing it is because the holidays are coming. Not that Ben and I really did the “traditional” things for the holidays, but at least we spent them together. Thanksgiving was usually just having a boneless turkey roast in the crock pot with some scalloped potatoes. Christmas, we would string lights outside, put up an artificial tree inside, hang a couple of stockings and I'd take a photo of the two of us and make homemade cards to send out. Ben and I stopped doing the gift thing years ago as we bought everything we wanted or needed throughout the year. I'd make fudge and other goodies for Ben as he loved his sweets. There were a few years that we had a “tradition” of going up to Ferndale, CA (our favorite place) at Christmas. Lately I've noticed that while I'm out walking Hiker, a memory of our vacations to Ferndale will pop into my mind and the tears will start to flow. It also seems that I will remember something Ben said or did, like this morning, I turned on the overhead light in the bedroom. I thought “gee the room looks a little dim”, but then it got brighter. I have the compact fluorescent bulbs in there and I remember how Ben had once commented on the fact that when you first turn them on, they are dim but then the brighten up after a minute or so. Again the tears filled my eyes. About a month ago, I thought I was doing much better and not crying as much. I would go 2 or 3 days without a tear, but now it seems that every day, something makes me cry. Hiker sure does not let me sleep in at all. She always wakes me up around 6:00 am but I won't get up and feed her until 7:00 and then we go for our morning walk. This morning it was only 38° when we went out. They are saying we might get some rain tonight. I put the winter cover over my A/C unit after we got back home. I don't think I'll need to use it anymore this year. Got my renewals for my homeowner's insurance and my earthquake insurance today. Thank goodness Ben and I changed to a different company last December for our insurance. We originally had All State and we were paying a fortune for our insurance. We talked to our agent and he found out that All State had been charging us for a “regular” house instead of a manufacture home, so he switched us to a company that ONLY covers manufactured homes and cut out premiums almost in half. Took Hiker for another walk. This time we only did a mile. Think I'll have a Marie Calendar Chicken Pot Pie for dinner. It's starting to get windy again.

Below is a photo of Ben on Main Street in Ferndale, CA on one of our Christmas trips there.


  1. So sorry you are having such a hard time, it's still so fresh, this new life you are having to make.
    Hold onto Ben's memories he's right there beside you taking every step....
    What a sweet picture of him !

  2. It must be hard as the family holidays approach. Are you able to spend them with other family members like your brother? Take care and have fun walking with Hiker.


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