August Fades Away

Did a dog walk with Jean this morning. Had an extra dog along with us that she is watching for a friend this weekend. After the walk, put all of the dogs in my backyard for a little play. Hiker plays with them some, but she is still a little leery, especially when there is an extra dog in the mix. Sometimes I think Hiker is glad when all of the dogs leave because sometimes I think some of the barking gets on her nerves. It's funny, I see her looking at me with a “message” in her eyes like she's saying “Mom, can you make them go away”? (LOL) After Jean and the dogs left, I had breakfast and then headed over to the Time Warner store to exchange one of my remote controls. The “guide” button on it had stopped working. Then I drove over to Sam's Club and did a little shopping. Tried to stay busy most of the day. I just wish it would cool down enough that Hiker and I can start getting out more. No plans for the holiday weekend.

I took this photo of the setting Blue Moon this morning around 6:00 am when I let Hiker out.

What Day Is It?

Cannot believe that this coming weekend is Labor Day Weekend. It was 44 years ago this weekend that I was hired at Lockheed back in 1968. Also my brother Ron will turn 70 this Sunday and my brother Keith will be celebrating his 34th wedding anniversary on Sunday too. Got up this morning and headed over to Wal-Mart to get a few groceries. I sure don't grocery shop the same way I did when Ben was alive. We used to go and really stock up. Now I only buy things that I have run out of. Came home and walked Hiker down to the park since she had not been out for a few days other than in the backyard. Mopped my floors and then finally settled down to watch some TV. It was already 88° by 10:30 am. For some reason I kept thinking it was Friday all day. Got up into the high 90's today. Once it starts getting cooler again, I need to get outside and do some weeding.

Waiting Around All Day

Took the 4Runner over to the Toyota Dealer first thing this morning to get it serviced and smogged. I decided to have the customer shuttle bring me home since it was only 8:15 am when I was there and they said the car would not be ready until after 11:00 am. My friend Marill had told me that when she goes to the Toyota Dealer that she takes her dog along with her. She does not live in California so I asked my service advisor Julie if they were “dog friendly” and she told me that they are. I had never seen anyone with a dog there until today. They also told me that if I brought her and they ended up having to keep my vehicle longer that the dogs are allowed to ride in the shuttle too. I'm thinking next time I take the vehicles (in cooler weather) that I can take Hiker with me and she and I can walk on the paseo behind the dealer to get our exercise while waiting for them to service the vehicles. It seems that more and more places are becoming dog friendly. When I let Hiker out at 6:00 am, it was already 70°. By 9:30 am it was already 82° and very humid. Still had not heard anything from the Toyota Dealer by 11:45 am so I called, but I got my service advisor's voicemail, so she must have been out to lunch. Called my service advisor again around 12:45 pm and once again got her voicemail. If you call the main service number, they just tell you she is at lunch or whatever and they have no information about if my vehicle is ready or not. They pass you over to the service advisor's voicemail to leave a message. I was afraid to make lunch because I thought if I did that they would call to tell me that it was ready and that the shuttle was on its way to pick me up. They called a little after 1:00 pm. We got up to 104° today.

Spotted this huge cloud bank on my way home from the dealer.

Group And Lunch With The Ladies

Went to my Grief Support Group this morning and then had lunch with several of the ladies from group. We always have such a good time at lunch. It gives us a chance to talk about our husbands and also to have a few laughs. I think we all really look forward to those lunches. Today we went over to Red Robin. They have some pretty good burgers there. We are back into a mini-heat wave for a couple of days. Today it got up to 105° but they say we will cool back down some again by the end of the week. Tomorrow morning I have to take my 4Runner over to the Toyota Dealer to have it serviced and to get it smogged. I really hate that task because it was something Ben always took care of. I'm hoping it won't take too long so I can just wait in the lobby while they do it, but it they tell me it will be two or three hours, I'll have them drive me home and then come back for me when it's done. Hiker will not be happy that I am leaving her alone again. She was so happy to see me when I got home from group today. She was jumping all over me and kissing me like crazy.

Dog Walk And Some House Cleaning

Went for a dog-walk with Jean and then came back by my place for the dogs to play. Hiker was trying to initiate play with Sassy but Sassy didn't feel like playing because she is in her first heat. We ladies can relate. I remember those days when I was young and had cramps. No fun. Hiker didn't understand why Sassy didn't want to play. Hiker kept pawing at her and whimpering, but Sassy didn't want any part of it. After Jean left, I came in and cleaned house. I try to put that job off as long as I can because I hate cleaning house so much, but when the dust starts getting to where you can write in it and you start noticing spider webs, it's time. Lately, so many memories of Ben are going through my mind. Things he'd do, things he'd say, his silly faces, etc. I'm thinking it's because he birthday will be coming up in 2 weeks. He would have been 62 this year. Something he was looking forward to because he was going to start getting his Social Security. There are still times that I look in the mirror and tell myself “This is real. Ben is really gone”. The other day after group, Jane, who is fairly new to our group asked DeDee and I if we still had to sometimes stop and tell ourselves that our new lives are real. We both told her yes.

Happy National Dog Day

Boy am I ever out of shape for hiking. Had not done a real hike in the hills since last April when Keith was here and he and I hiked Rice Canyon. I've put on a few pounds which doesn't help either. Anyway, when Hiker and I got up this morning it was only 59° outside so decided to head over to Towsley Canyon and hike up to The Narrows and back. I started off pretty good, but when I got to my first mile, I was out of breath and my leg muscles were starting to ache. Kept going though. I noticed that Hiker was favoring her left back foot for some reason. I stopped and looked at it and I didn't see anything wrong with it. She would walk just fine for awhile and then she'd kind of lift her back leg and shake her foot like it was bothering her. I'm thinking maybe she stepped on a rock or something and bruised it because she seemed fine after we got home. I've noticed that when we hike at Towsley that heading up to The Narrows always feels hotter than coming back down. There seems to be more of a breeze on the way back for some reason. When I got home, I put my sheets in the washer and the jumped into the shower. I normally vacuum the carpet on Sunday to pick up all of Hiker's hair, but decided to wait and do it tomorrow. Hiker and I have a morning dog-walking date with Jean and her dogs tomorrow.

Needed Some Fresh Air

This morning when I got up just after 6:00 am to let Hiker out to potty, it was about 60° and totally foggy. I could not even see the hill up the street from me that is only a block away. It would have been a perfect morning for a hike but on Saturdays my mower comes and I have to be here to let him through the garage to mow the backyard. He cannot get to the part he mows by going through my gate because he would have to carry his mower over the gravel that we put on the north side of the house for drainage purposes. Maybe if we have the same weather tomorrow morning, Hiker and I will head over to Towsley Canyon. After lunch I decided since Hiker and I have been stuck in the house so long because of the heat wave we were having that we needed to get out for some fresh air, so I put Hiker in the car and we headed up to Vasquez Rocks. My car thermometer said it was 90° but the wind was blowing up there, as it always is, so it did not feel that hot. There were not very many people there today, probably because they figured it would be too warm. Took a few photos and then Hiker started heading back to the car, so I guess she decided it was time to head home. Think I'll make a meatloaf for dinner so I can have some sandwiches from the left-overs.

Hiker Was Pooped

Hiker and I had a dog walking date with Jean and her dogs this morning. Hiker is really doing well with the other dogs. She is not so shy with them now. She even initiates some of the play now. Hiker was so “pooped” after Jean and her dogs left that she just crashed most of the day. The weather has cooled down about 10 degrees and I'm hoping it continues to do so, but here in SoCal we still have very hot weather in September. Kaiser sure has been bugging me about getting my mammogram. They give them every 2 years and I'm not really due until October, but they called me in February about it and then I got a letter from them last week to call them and then they called me again today. I finally made an appointment but I made it for October. No need to have it done before it's due. Watched a movie today called “Jumping The Broom”. I really enjoyed it. I remember seeing previews on it before it was in the theaters. I watched it on “Encore”. Hit about 90° again today but didn't really feel that hot outside.

Here is a photo of Hiker and her buddy Sassy

Hiker And The Bubble Machine

Headed over to Wal-Mart first thing this morning then took Hiker for a short 1 mile walk and then washed my Corolla. We had a cloud burst a couple of weeks ago and it really made my car dirty and I got tired of looking through water spots on my windows. I don't know what was going on with my TV in the living room last night. I was watching an “NCIS” marathon and my TV just went off. I turned off the power and turned it back on and still nothing. I went into the bedroom and turned on the TV there to see if maybe the cable was out, but the TV in the bedroom was working. Came back into the living room and unplugged the TV and checked all of the cable connections on the digital box and turned the TV back on and it was working. About 15 minutes later, it went off again. Got it to come back on and it stayed on the rest of the evening and it's been fine today. It could be my TV because Ben and I bought the TV about 5 or 6 years ago and from what I've heard flat screen HD TVs only last about 5 or 6 years, but I'm thinking more that it might be my digital box because I've had it for quite a long time now and they do go bad. If it happens again, I'll go get a new box from Time Warner and see if that helps before I put any money into a new TV. After lunch I headed over to Party City because I saw they were having a clearance sale and they had bubble machine included in the sale. I got one for about $20 and Hiker is loving it. I turned it off for awhile and she just sat in front of it waiting for more bubbles to come out so I had to turn it back on for her. She wants to just sit right in front of it and grab the bubbles as soon as they come out of the machine. Silly doggy. I saw on The Weather Channel that Hurricane Isaac is heading for the Gulf of Mexico. I hope any online friends I have in those southern states will be safe.

It's Getting Cooler

Hiker and I met with Jean and her dogs this morning for a walk. Hiker is doing so much better with the other dogs now. When we go back to my house after the walk and turn them all loose in the back yard, Hiker is now starting to play with them and she is initiating the play. She used to just sit right next to my chair and not move an inch when they were here. She is also warming up to Jean more so hopefully the next time she gets groomed, she will do better than she did the last time. After Jean and the dogs went home, Hiker was pooped from all of the play which is a good thing. She crashed on the sofa for awhile. It cooled down enough last evening for me to walk Hiker down to Discovery Park for a little while. It was cooler this morning which was nice. Hopefully the heat wave has finally broken. Today was trash day and Hiker is always so funny on trash day because she thinks the trash man is “stealing” her property and she has a fit when he empties the can. Now she also comes back to me and barks to let me know that the can is empty because she wants to go outside with me to bring it back into the garage. Smart little booger. Around 12:30 pm, I turned on the afternoon TV News and they mentioned that Las Vegas was having really bad flash flooding. I texted Ben's sister Donna who lives there and she said they had just driven through the storm and that there were car accidents all over town. It was cooler here again. Still hot but not in the triple digits.

Here is a shot I took looking to the east of my from my front porch. You can see the thunderheads building up out over the desert.

Good Tuesday

Went to Grief Support Group today. Went very well. Edwin is finally “settling down” so he is not so obnoxious any more. After group, me, DeDee and Jane went over to Cathy's Deli for lunch and conversation. I really look forward to and enjoy those lunches after group. When I got home I called and made an appointment to have my 4Runner serviced and smogged at the Toyota dealer next week and then I called Jean (Hiker's groomer) for a dog-walking date tomorrow morning. I no more that sat down to give Hiker some attention when my phone rang and it was my long-time friend Karren Meggitt calling to see how I've been. Ben and I used to get together with Karren and her husband Wally for lunches, etc. In fact, we went on vacation with them twice many years ago. It got up to 95° here today and it really didn't feel too bad when I went outside to get the mail.

Where Did The Bubbles Go?

Slept a little better last night. Hiker and I did not do a morning walk because I had some housework that needed to be done and I like to do it early before it gets too hot because even with the A/C I still sweat a lot if I'm working. I also had to go up to Sam's Club to stock up on some things. Before I went into Sam's Club, I went across the street to the Wal-Mart to see if they had any automatic bubble machines for Hiker. The last time I was there, they had a bunch of bubbles and different items that went with the bubbles like giant wands and bubble guns but today, they had nothing that had to do with bubbles. I went up and down every isle in the toy department and never saw one single bottle of bubble juice. Guess I'll have to check out Toys-R-Us.

Will It Every Be Cool Again?

This heat has really gotta go. I keep waking up later and later each morning and even Hiker is not waking me up at her normal time, so I'm assuming that she is sleeping later too. Last night I had trouble going to sleep. I think I finally dozed off around 1:00 am. When we did finally get up, I went and got my Lotto ticket and then took Hiker on a 1 mile walk inside of my dated community. Once again spent the day inside watching movies on LMN and Hallmark. I will be sooooo glad when Fall gets here. I'm starting to get cabin fever. I have to go outside with Hiker several times a day because if I don't she will not go out on her own. She will hold her pee because she does not want to go out into the heat. It did feel a little cooler outside today. I sat in the shade of my big tree while she wandered around sniffing the yard. I am not looking forward to seeing my electric bill for this month.

Sizzling Saturday

Hiker didn't wake me up until 7:00 am this morning. That's about 45 minutes later than she normally wakes me. Once again, she did not eat all of her food when I fed her this morning. I'm sure it's the heat because she acts normal and she's been eating all of her food when I feed her in the evening. I'm also thinking that maybe she has gotten so used to me adding some “moist” dog food in with her dry food in the evenings that she doesn't like it in the morning when I just give her the dry food. It did not feel as hot today outside when I walked up to my mailbox. I cannot believe that August is half over. Where has this year gone? I'm really looking forward to the fall weather coming. I really want to get out on the canyon trails with Hiker. I have felt so cooped up this summer due to the hot weather and I'm sure that Hiker has too. I'm really going to miss the annual trip up to see my brother Ron this year with my brother Keith. But with Keith still out of work it's just not possible. Got up to 99° here today.

Took this while on our morning walk

I Had Forgotten It Was Friday

Hiker and I walked with Jean and her dogs this morning, plus Jean is boarding two other dogs for people in the neighborhood, so we had a total of six dogs on our walk today. This heat wave has Hiker all messed up. This morning she did not eat all of her food and that is a first for her. She has NEVER left food in her bowl before. After our walk I made breakfast for myself and then I had to run over to the bank and do some other errands. When I got back, I noticed Hiker going in every now and then and eating a little bit of the dry food she had left in her bowl. I guess her appetite is just off. When Jean and I were sitting on my patio with all of the dogs, I brought Hiker's bubbles outside to see how Jean's dogs reacted to them. They did not play with them like Hiker does. After I got back from my errands, Hiker wanted to play bubbles again so now I know I am going to have to get her an automatic bubble machine. It has gotten to where I can't remember what day it is anymore. I remember when I was working how much I looked forward to Friday, but today I had forgotten it was Friday.

Just Another Day

Got up and headed over to Wal-Mart to do my grocery shopping. It was very humid out. I wish Wal-Mart would stock their grocery shelves better. They are the least expensive store for me to go to around here but sometimes they run out of stuff and they don't restock for days. I noticed there were several workers in the toy section unloading boxes and boxes of toys. I said something to one of them and they told me that they are stocking up for Christmas. It gets earlier and earlier every year. I noticed that the Jr. High School near me is back in session already. Seems so early, but then they did get out for the summer back in May. When I was in school, we got out for summer near the end of June and didn't go back until after Labor day. Hiker and I have a dog-walk date with Jean and her dogs tomorrow morning. Hiker seems to be getting more used to the other dogs, but she still acts a little shy. I guess I'm going to have to try to find and buy a bubble machine for Hiker. She expects me to do nothing but blow bubbles all day for her to chase around the house. I just have to figure out where I can find a bubble machine. Got up to 102° here today.

This morning when I drove the the school I could hear the intercom at the school and every morning the principal makes her daily speech. As I drove by, I heard her sat "remember our dress code and girls, please remember that your under graments should not be visible." REALLY? She has to remind them of that? Oh...maybe she does.

A Tad Cooler Today...But Not Much

Did a 1.5 mile morning walk and then settled in for another hot day. Hiker is so smart. She loves playing with her bubbles and she knows where I keep them now. She will go lay near where I keep them, look up at the shelf they are on and cry until I get them to play with. She just loves chasing them all over the living room. She was very “active” this morning. Kept bringing one of her stuffed hedgehog toys to me for me to throw for her. She was running all over the house, which is good since it's still too hot for her to go out and play and get exercise. She once again barked at the trash truck when it came by to pick up the trash. She thinks the driver is “stealing” her property. It barely hit 100° here today, but it was still very hot.

My Latest Article Included

Slept in a little this morning until Hiker just could stand to stay in bed. We didn't walk this morning because I was getting ready to go to my grief support group at the Senior Center. It is usually freezing in our meeting room but today the A/C felt really good. We had a small group today. I'm guess it was because people don't want to come out in this heat. Edwin was there, but Judy keeps him under control really good now. We had another new woman come to the first hour which is “general emotional support”, but she didn't seem to really belong. She seemed she was just there to “observe”. Don't know if she'll come back or not. We also had two new widows come in during the last hour which is our “grief support” time. One of them was not a “new” widow as her husband passed away 14 years ago, but she was “new” to our group. My second “chapter” of my article “A Widow's Journey” was in “The Mighty Oak” which is the senior center's monthly newsletter. I can't share a link with all of you as the center had just hired a new webmaster and he is still working to get the newsletter on their web page. Instead I will include my second chapter at the end of this post. I didn't feel like going out to lunch with the ladies today. Just didn't want to be out in the heat longer than necessary. I stopped by KFC on the way home and picked up some food for my lunch and headed home to Hiker. When I got home, I don't know if she was asleep or what, but when I opened the door, she didn't greet me and when I called her name, she came cowering around the corner on her belly with her ears down like she had done something wrong. Once she saw me, she got excited and started jumping around. I “only” got to 100° here today. I say “only” because it is about 8° cooler but it sure does not feel like it. They say we are going to stay HOT for the next 5 to 7 days.

"A Widow's Journey Part 2"

Being a widow/widower is hard. Your life has changed so much.
In the first few months, you try to find a reason to get out of bed each morning. If you were able to sleep the night before, you wake up expecting that person you loved more than life itself to be lying in the bed next to you, but then you once again realize that they are gone forever.
You have to find ways to keep busy. Your loved one will constantly be on your mind, but you have to adjust to your new life without them. It's hard, but you must go on. You must try to find your “new normal”.
One week after my husband died, I joined the Grief Support Group here at the Senior Center. I was a little afraid of going into that room that first day, but I was greeted by so many warm and friendly people who knew exactly what I was going through. There were both men and women who had lost their spouses in the group and they welcomed me with open arms. It felt so good to be around people who knew how I felt. They didn't judge me when I told them my story and cried...they totally understood.
I knew that family and friends from my “other life” had their lives to live and that they could not be with me all of the time. I needed to be with people who were on the same journey that I had just started out on.
I had to take it one day at a time.

Today Seemed To Fly By

Got up at 6:30 am to get ready to go on a dog walk with my neighbor Jean. Today we had an extra dog because she is boarding Dodger, her friend's dog for a few days. We left at 7:30 am today. We normally leave around 8:00 am but we thought maybe it would be a little cooler if we left 30 minutes earlier. This heat has caused Hiker to throw up a little a couple of times. She doesn't act sick, but I think the heat just upsets her tummy. I noticed that TNT was showing a marathon of “The Closer” leading up to the series finale tonight and then “Major Crimes” will debut right after. Sorry to see “Brenda Leigh” go...THANK YOU! I was shocked when Brenda's mother passed away in her sleep. The TV weatherman was good at predicting the temperature for my area this morning. He said it would hit 106° and it did. They say we will drop down into the 90's in the next few days (big deal) but then go back up into the 100's over the weekend.

When Will This Heat Wave End?

Got out early again with Hiker for our walk. Walked around 7:20 am and it was already 80° out. When I got home I had breakfast and then went and got my Lotto tickets. Came home, put my sheets and towels in the washing machine and then vacuumed Hiker's hair up. Also had to make some adjustment to my lawn sprinklers in the backyard. I noticed that one of them was spraying the patio instead of the lawn. Didn't mind working on the sprinklers because I was getting wet and it felt pretty good in the heat. Today something happened that has not done in quite awhile. I was making the bed. I have a throw that I put on the bed that Ben and I got in Ferndale. It has the buildings from Main Street Ferndale on it. I was putting my bed back together after washing my sheets and when I put that throw on the bed, I started to think of how much I was looking forward to Ben getting well and getting out of that hospital last year. I was looking forward to him retiring and looking forward to the two of us going on more trips to Ferndale and to other places I've always wanted to visit because we'd now have the time and money to do it because we'd both be getting our Social Security. I started to cry and I sat on Ben's side of the bed and sobbed. I have not done that for several weeks, maybe even months. I called Jean (Hiker's groomer) to make a dog-walk date with her for tomorrow morning. I will be so glad when fall gets here so I can start getting out with Hiker again on the mountain trails. My brother Ron called me from Paradise, CA. It is really hot in northern California where he lives too. There are also some forest fires burning so he says it is also really smoky there. I took Hiker outside around 2:00 pm and it was 105° and getting windy. Hopefully that wind will eventually cool us down some. That sure would be nice.

Hiker taking a nape on a hot day