Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Kay's Day - 06/29/2011

Went to sleep around 11:30 pm last night. I think I slept through most of the night OK. I woke up around 5:30 am but went back to sleep. I got up a little early today because Linda was coming over by 7:30 am to go for a morning walk with me. She got here around 7:15 am and we did a 2.5 mile walk. The weather was nice because we had "June Gloom" this morning so it was not hot. In fact, it's been nice all day. It's only 83° right now with a nice breeze. After the walk, Linda went home to shower and I came home and made breakfast and watched TV for awhile. Linda came back at 11:00 am and Ben's best buddy Ed got here around 11:15 am. He wanted to take Linda and me out for lunch. He said he wanted to thank her for being here for me when he couldn't be while Ben was in the hospital. He brought his little dog Sweetie. He had always wanted Ben to "meet" Sweetie, but it never happened. We went to Hometown Buffet for lunch. I know I was a little quiet all during lunch. I think having Ed here made me realize all the more that Ben was "missing". Some of the numbness is going away now and I am actually realizing that Ben is really gone and will never be coming home. I think I like it more when I was numb. I called Utter-McKinley Mortuary to see why I had not heard from them. They said they had Ben's ashes and my cremation locket ready for pickup but they were waiting for the death certificates to arrive. They said they would have them sometime today and just a little while ago, they called and told me everything was ready for pickup. I don't know if I'm ready for this. I don't want to go alone so I found out what their hours are. Linda is going out of town for the holiday weekend, so if she cannot go with me tomorrow, maybe my friend DeDee can go with me on Friday, or I'll wait until Keith comes this weekend and he and I can go over there on Saturday. In my mind, Ben is still in that hospital bed so when I actually pickup the box with his ashes in it, it will be a little too much reality for me.


  1. The numbness at the beginning is a very good thing.There is no way one can deal with the scope of things at first.I understand how you feel,sometimes I think that Jake has just gone out for something,but when I realize he is not coming back,it brings on the tears.Please do not go to get the ashes alone,that is one thing you,don't need to do.When someone else is there,it will be a little easier.Hope this night will be a restful one.

  2. So much to deal with...I can't imagine. You seem to be making good choices, finding support when you need it, etc. Hope you get some good rest tonight and gain the strength you need for the coming days. God bless you, Kay.


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