Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I've Got Those Funky Blues

After Keith left yesterday afternoon, the house seemed so quiet and empty. It is so nice when he visits because then I have someone here in the evenings to talk to. I miss not having Ben here with me at night to discuss what we did during the day or what we see on the TV news, etc. When Keith is here, I feel a little more like my “old” self again. As yesterday afternoon turned into last night...I mentioned to Hiker how lonely the house feels when Keith leaves and it's just her and me all alone again. Then Ben's face come into my mind and I sobbed. I have not done that for awhile. I ended up taking one of the sedatives the doctor has prescribed for me right after Ben died. I felt like I was having an anxiety attack. That's the first time I've taken one of those pills in a long time. I slept pretty good through the night but didn't really want to get out of bed this morning. I knew I had to get up eventually because I had my grief support group at the Senior Center today. I got up and made some breakfast, but did not take Hiker out for a walk as I just didn't feel like walking. I took another sedative as I was still feeling “anxious” and then headed over to my group. When I got there, I told DeDee to not let me fall asleep during group. This week, we had a very small group compared to last week. It seemed to go by pretty fast too. After group, DeDee and I headed over to Cathy's Deli for lunch. We sat and talked for a little over an hour and then headed home. I came home to a “happy Hiker girl”. She was glad to see me. I took her out for a short 1 mile walk and then came home to relax. I have a “work day” planned for tomorrow. I need to clean the master bathroom, vacuum Hiker's hair out of the carpet and then I need to go outside and pull some weeds. Linda and I had pulled a bunch of weeds a couple of weeks ago and now there are a bunch of new dandelions growing on the hillside again. Of course the weed pulling will depend on whether or not we get the rain they are predicting for tomorrow. Hiker will be glad that I'll be home with her all day since I was leaving her home alone a lot while Keith was here visiting. Going to group and having lunch out with DeDee seemed to clear my foggy head some, but I still feel like I'm in a shallow funk. Hopefully it will clear up soon.

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