Friday, August 5, 2011
Slept pretty much through the night last night. Fell asleep around 11:30 and work up this morning around 6:30. Got up and by 7:10 am I was out for a 2.4 mile walk. It was nice and cool (around 60°) so it was a good walk. Came home and made a muffin/egg/ham/cheese sandwich for my breakfast. Did a load of laundry and then headed over to Stater Brothers to pick up some ice cream and some other stuff I needed. I am getting close to running out of the Lorazepam from when they gave it to me for anxiety when Ben first went into the hospital, so I emailed my doctor and asked if he could give me more. He emailed me back and said he put in a prescription for me to go pick up. He gave me half the dosage since I told him that I cut the pills in half because a whole pill makes me very drowsy and I cannot do anything when I'm like that. I don't like taking drugs, but I felt I needed something for my anxiety. My doctor also gave me a phone number for a counselor in Kaiser's Mental Health department in case I felt I needed professional health. I don't trust Kaiser anymore so I just told him that I'm going to a grief support group weekly at the senior center and that a family psycho therapist leads the group and he said that was fine as long as I was getting some kind of help. I went to my attorney's office after lunch and they went through all of my living trust, power of attorney and my health care directive with me to make sure I understood everything and then we signed, initialed and notarized all of the paperwork, so now my brothers will inherit everything and everyone will know that I'm not to be hooked up to life support if I'm brain dead and there is no hope for me to survive. They are still working on getting Ben's name off of my house deed and other investments. After I left Jane's office, I stopped by the Kaiser pharmacy and picked up the prescription for my sedative then stopped and put gas in the 4Runner and came home. Paid some bills and now I'm in front of the TV again with it on and me not paying much attention to it. The weekend is coming and you all know how bad those are for me. I'm hoping that maybe taking the sedative will help me get through it some.