Monday, August 29, 2011

Mediocre Monday

Had trouble going to sleep again last night. I guess I should know by now that some nights I'll fall asleep quickly and others I'll lie there waiting for sleep to come. I stayed up watching a Hallmark movie “William & Catherine” until 11:00 pm. I took a sleep aid around 10:30 but it didn't seem to want to kick in. Finally went to sleep around midnight. Had to go pick up the groceries that I'd run out of so I went to Wal-Mart first and then headed up to Stater Brothers. Was already getting warm outside by 9:30 am. I keep telling myself that I need to get out and walk early in the morning, but I still cannot seem to get myself back into a regular walking schedule. I still just do not want to do anything but sit around the house, unless I have a lunch date with the girls. I received an email from Ben's sister Donna yesterday. She made the comment that she wished we could jump ahead about a year so the hurt would not be as bad as it is now. I had to tell her that I've learned from my grief group that it will still hurt a year from now. I just keep wondering if I will ever get over sitting here “waiting for Ben to come home”. Sounds crazy. Even though my mind knows he is gone forever, my heart just does not listen. Spent most of the day in the house with the A/C again today. At least tomorrow I will be going to the grief support group and then DeDee and I will go to lunch after. Watched more of “Antenna TV” today. Great old shows like “Father Knows Best” and “Burns & Allen”. Ben would have loved watching this channel. I also watched “Funny Girl” on TCM. Got up to 102 degrees today. Wish it would cool down.


  1. I know that feeling of just wanting to stay around the house. You know he isn't coming back but in the back of your mind you think or feel, maybe?

  2. With heat like that the best place to be is in the house with the A/C on high.

  3. I have just finished reading your diary about Ben and his illness and his tragic end. I feel so sorry for you. It is hard to know what to say to someone suffering so much grief. When the weather cools down I hope you can get back into hiking with your friend and hopefully that will help you with clearing your mind for a few hours and it may help you sleep better. My brother died 17 months ago, my sister in law still misses him badly but she has an unmarried son who she visits in the Caribbean for a few months at a time. I suffered the grief but not the loneliness because he lived in England and I didn't see him often and I have my own family. I hope time will help you heal even though you'll never forget.


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