Got out of bed around 7:00 am and the first thing I did was think of Ben not being here and I cried. I see in my bank account that Lockheed and Kaiser have now removed Ben from my health insurance plan so I will have more money on my pension check each month and I see that they also reimbursed me for the months of June and July when I had already paid for his health insurance premium. I would much rather have Ben than that extra money.
I guess now that I have the extra money, I will buy the GPS I've been thinking about buying and also I want to get a digital picture frame to put a lot of photos of Ben in. Decided to go over to WalMart and pick up a few groceries that I needed. I didn't take the time to look at the GPSs or the frames when I went there this morning. When I got home, I was sitting watching my soap opera and got up to go make my lunch and for a moment, I was thinking that Ben was at work and I wanted to call him, but then reality hit me that he is dead and I started sobbing again. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better, but right now it just seems to be getting worse. I know it's because the numbness has worn off and the reality has set in. Around 1:00 pm I just had to get out of the house, so I headed over to Target to look at their GPS devices. The didn't have very many, so then I headed over to WalMart, who had even less. I then drove to Best Buy and they had a lot of them, but they were more expensive than either Target or WalMart. I did not buy one yet, but I did get to kind of play around with them. I did buy a 7” digital picture frame while I was at WalMart. Got it for $49. Was not really a very good day for me today. I just felt very anxious all day. Had not had the feeling of anxiety yet, today was the first time.