Monday, August 1, 2011

Monday, Monday

Got out of bed around 7:00 am and the first thing I did was think of Ben not being here and I cried. I see in my bank account that Lockheed and Kaiser have now removed Ben from my health insurance plan so I will have more money on my pension check each month and I see that they also reimbursed me for the months of June and July when I had already paid for his health insurance premium. I would much rather have Ben than that extra money.
I guess now that I have the extra money, I will buy the GPS I've been thinking about buying and also I want to get a digital picture frame to put a lot of photos of Ben in. Decided to go over to WalMart and pick up a few groceries that I needed. I didn't take the time to look at the GPSs or the frames when I went there this morning. When I got home, I was sitting watching my soap opera and got up to go make my lunch and for a moment, I was thinking that Ben was at work and I wanted to call him, but then reality hit me that he is dead and I started sobbing again. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better, but right now it just seems to be getting worse. I know it's because the numbness has worn off and the reality has set in. Around 1:00 pm I just had to get out of the house, so I headed over to Target to look at their GPS devices. The didn't have very many, so then I headed over to WalMart, who had even less. I then drove to Best Buy and they had a lot of them, but they were more expensive than either Target or WalMart. I did not buy one yet, but I did get to kind of play around with them. I did buy a 7” digital picture frame while I was at WalMart. Got it for $49. Was not really a very good day for me today. I just felt very anxious all day. Had not had the feeling of anxiety yet, today was the first time.


  1. I think you will enjoy your digital frame. Don't know about the GPS (girl in a box, I call them) because I don't have one and don't need it most time. Hope your day is better tomorrow.

  2. I think of you often, and hope that time will heal your pain.
    Good luck with finding a GPS, they really are a useful tool.

  3. I wish there were some magic words we could say that would take your pain away...but sadly there is not. I'm so glad you have such wonderful friends there. Do you have any plans for a change of scenery? Maybe spend a few days with your brothers or friends? I know it want take away the pain, but it might help you get some better rest. Take care, Sheila

  4. There are no words to convey how much I wish I could take this sadness away from you.Unfortunately you have to work your way through it,and you will.Just do the next thing,try not to worry about what lies ahead.

  5. Sending up prayers for you.
    Just wondering if you know and read Carlene Noogle's blog(horshoebend). She lost her husband about 5 years ago. She still has a hard time coping. She also puts a lot about it on FB.

    You can go to Walmarts site and order a GPS and they will mail it to your store. No postage due. We have ordered several things like that. If it's not what you want then you can just return it to Walmart.We have found they have the lowest prices on electronics. Helen


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