Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sleepy Sunday

Well, yesterday after the girl came and took the gas BBQ grill, I came back into the house and sobbed for about 20 minutes. I thought I was ready to let some things go, but then I guess I started thinking about when we first bought the grill, Ben would grill on it about 2 or 3 times a week. He loved grilled steaks. I could take them or leave them. We had not used that grill for quite awhile in the past year to year and a half. That's why I thought I'd have no problem giving it away, but then the memories flooded back. I took ½ of a Lorazepam (Ativan) pill to calm me down. It also helped me to sleep last night. I went to bed around 9:30 pm and I think I only woke up maybe once all night. But when I woke up this morning, I cried again thinking of Ben. I just hope that every time I try to get rid of something of Ben's or that has a memory connected to it, I don't cry. Today I discovered a television station that Ben would have loved. It's called “Antenna TV KTLA 5.2”. They show old TV shows from the 1950's, 1960' & 1970's. Old shows like “Circus Boy”, “Rin-Tin-Tin”, “Iron Horse”, “Burns & Allen” and “Hazel”. Ben would have really loved watching some of these shows. Went out around 9:00 am to buy Ben's Lottery Ticket and noticed it was already getting very warm. Almost 80ยบ by 9:15. I decided that it was going to be another day to stay inside with the A/C. Also noticed first thing this morning that today was going to be a day of tears because ever since I got out of bed, every little thing has been setting me off. My friend Karren Meggitt called me to check up and see how I was doing. I also got another call from a “general contractor”. This is the 3rd time I've gotten a call like this. I'm assuming they saw a public notice of Ben's death because the know my name. I guess they start calling widows because they think the husband is now gone so the widow needs work done. All 3 time it has sounded like the same voice but the guy kept telling me he had not called me before, which I didn't believe because as I said, sounded like the same voice and he always says “hello Mrs. Waggoner, my name is (which he says so fast I never can catch what it is), and I'm a general contractor”. That's where I usually stop them because I tell them I do not need a general contractor for anything and I hand up. Today I told this guy to stop calling me. He claimed he had never called me before but I told him that I recognize his voice and again told him I do not need a general contract and to stop calling me and then I hung up. Don't know if that will stop him. Guess I'll have to start letting the answer machine pickup my calls again. I stopped doing that when Ben was in the hospital because it was usually the hospital or doctors calling me. Don't have to worry about that now so I need to get out of the habit of grabbing the phone as soon as it rings. And so goes another day of doing nothing but sitting around watching TV.


  1. Telemarketers should have respect enough not to call a person several times. Guess they are trying to get their quota of calls in. Helen

  2. Kay, my dear, my heart aches for your sorrow is so deep. Please try to find peace. It takes time, I know.
    As for that shister contractor, I'd definitely let the answering machine get the messages from now on. Another thing you can do, is get his name and turn him in...or get his number and do the same...try the BBB, (Better Business Bureau), at least he's making a bad name for himself.
    Take a hike with your friends, Kay. You love to hike. The fresh air, even hot, will do you good. My prayers for your peace. Ben wants you to find peace too.

  3. I hope that you will find the strength you need to move ahead.I see you doing it now and that is good.I still have crying days and it has already been almost 10 months.We are allowed to cry.


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