Sunday On The Sofa

Yesterday, in the late afternoon, I took ½ of my Lorazepam pill to calm the anxiety that was starting to consume me. Around 9:45 pm, I started getting sleepy so I went to bed and I think I went to sleep just a little after 10:00. As usual, I turned the TV on to “replace” the sound of Ben's snoring. I woke up around 4:30 am and realized the TV was still on, but I fell right back to sleep without turning it off and stayed in bed until around 7:30. Got up and walked down to the local liquor store to buy Ben's Lotto tickets for Wednesday, came back home and had some waffles for breakfast then washed my sheets and towels. Noticed my hummingbird feeder was empty and that there was a little hummer hovering around it, so I went out and refilled it and also refilled the birdbath. Got an email from my friend DeDee telling me that she cannot go to the Ventura County Fair with Linda and me tomorrow because her house painters are not quite finished with the job and she wants to be there while they are there. I don't blame her. She too is a widow and I have found that widowhood makes you very protective of what you have left in your life. So it will just be Linda and me with the exhibits and the farm animals. Have to see if I can locate Sandy Van Echo who is a friend of my friend Charlotte Gemigniani. Sandy raises goats as does Charlotte and she is showing them at the fair. We will have to plan another outing with DeDee. I notice that it does not take much to make me cry these days. I don't think I cried as much when Ben first died. Now I cry every day, several times a day, and as I said, anything can trigger it. What a wasted day. Didn't really do anything all day but veg on the sofa and watch TV. But that's what I do most of the time now days.