Friday, September 16, 2011
Not Too Bad Of A Day
“When I miss you, I don’t have to go far … I just have to look inside my heart because that’s where I’ll find you.”~Anonymous
Yesterday, I was reading a post on Facebook from another widow and she said that her son told her that he missed his dad and she told her son, “I don't just miss him, I ache for him”. That word “ache” really says it all. I've talked about having a broken heart and how it is actually a physical feeling we widows have and the word “ache” describes it more than anything else could. I have so many good online friends who read my “journal” daily. Many of them tell me that they felt the “knew” Ben personally because of my story. They followed it all through Ben's hospital stay to his passing and now they follow my “new life”. So many of them write to me and tell me how bad they feel for me and how what I write brings them to tears and that they worry about me. Please know that I appreciate your support and that even though it may sometimes not sound like it, I am doing just fine in my journey through grief. Writing my feelings down was suggested by my therapist at my grief group and I've also seen on so many websites that keeping a “journal” about your feelings helps you to get these feelings out of you systems just as tears do. Besides helping me get through this, the worst time of my life, perhaps it will also help other widows to know that what they are going through is “normal”, that they are not the only ones with these thoughts and feelings. Also it might help people who have not lived through this kind of a loss what widowhood is all about and possibly help them when they must face this kind of grief. I often wonder if there will ever come a time that I will no longer start to cry when I least expect it. I was out watering my plants on the patio this morning and suddenly, my tears began to flow. Then I went for a late morning walk and once again, the tears came. I “talk” to Ben while I'm out walking.