Friday, September 16, 2011

Not Too Bad Of A Day

Today's quote:

“When I miss you, I don’t have to go far … I just have to look inside my heart because that’s where I’ll find you.”~Anonymous

Yesterday, I was reading a post on Facebook from another widow and she said that her son told her that he missed his dad and she told her son, “I don't just miss him, I ache for him”. That word “ache” really says it all. I've talked about having a broken heart and how it is actually a physical feeling we widows have and the word “ache” describes it more than anything else could. I have so many good online friends who read my “journal” daily. Many of them tell me that they felt the “knew” Ben personally because of my story. They followed it all through Ben's hospital stay to his passing and now they follow my “new life”. So many of them write to me and tell me how bad they feel for me and how what I write brings them to tears and that they worry about me. Please know that I appreciate your support and that even though it may sometimes not sound like it, I am doing just fine in my journey through grief. Writing my feelings down was suggested by my therapist at my grief group and I've also seen on so many websites that keeping a “journal” about your feelings helps you to get these feelings out of you systems just as tears do. Besides helping me get through this, the worst time of my life, perhaps it will also help other widows to know that what they are going through is “normal”, that they are not the only ones with these thoughts and feelings. Also it might help people who have not lived through this kind of a loss what widowhood is all about and possibly help them when they must face this kind of grief. I often wonder if there will ever come a time that I will no longer start to cry when I least expect it. I was out watering my plants on the patio this morning and suddenly, my tears began to flow. Then I went for a late morning walk and once again, the tears came. I “talk” to Ben while I'm out walking.


  1. Thank-you for being open and honest about your feelings. It is a difficult journey,but we must keep on moving forward,even if it is only baby steps.

  2. I talk to D and to the Lord when out walking too ... moreso D at the beginning . The tears will always come ... they just won't come as frequently as time goes by ... at least that was the way it was/is for me.

  3. Hello Kay, thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I really needed to hear your affirmation that it was ok if I really didn't have much to say. There are times when I have so much to say but lately I just haven't. There is not anything wrong and no one is sick, there is just normal life. Not too bad just going along. Your post really moved me because I have a dear friend who is kind of like a widow. Her husband of 40 years decided one day out of the blue to divorce her. She struggles with very similar moments. I wish she were more online savvy because she would enjoy your blog too. Maybe someday after her computer class...


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