Sunday, September 11, 2011
“Grief is a tidal wave that over takes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness, where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces, only to be thrown out on an unknown beach, bruised, reshaped...Grief will make a new person out of you, if it doesn't kill you in the making”~Stephanie Ericsson
Today was a “double sad” day for me since it was the 10th anniversary of 9/11 plus Ben not being here. I listened to the reading of the names of the casualties of 9/11 on CNN for awhile, did a load of laundry, then took advantage of the overcast weather and went outside to clean up the flowerbed in my front yard. At the same time I pulled some weeds and I also flushed my hot water heater, something that I usually do in the spring, but since I was running back and forth to the hospital every day back then, I did not have time to do. The sun came out around 10:00 am, so I opened up my front door and the sliding door to the patio and sat down to watch some TV. Weather was beautiful today. Thought about going for a drive, but instead decided to stay home and clean up a few things. I went through some papers that I'd been meaning to go through for a long time. Also cleaned up the kitchen island. Watched a movie on the Hallmark Channel. I noticed today I was reminiscing about trips Ben and I used to take together. I've always done that when the weather starts to get nice. Even back when Ben was alive I would do that. But now I realize that I will never be able to go on a trip with him again and it brings tears to my eyes and takes my breath away. I cannot see myself ever really enjoying a trip away from home again without him, especially places that were special to us.