Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Good Day At Group

I cried this morning. It was a “major” cry, not the little minor ones I have now and then. I was outside “cleaning up after Hiker” and I heard some sirens. For some reason, my memory flashed back to the two ambulance rides I had to the ER at Henry Mayo when right after Ben's first colon surgery. He was still unconscious when I was in the ER those two times and after he woke up, I never told him about those two trips I took. I figured I would tell him later when he came home. He didn't need to know about them right then. Anyway, as I said, my memory flashed back and I started to think about how Ben always worried about me. How he would call me from work if he had not heard from me for awhile to make sure I was OK. How he would insist I call him if I was going anywhere and to call him when I got back home. Next thing I knew, I was sobbing. I'm sure that these feelings have a lot to do with it being Christmas time. I have not cried like that for several months. Moving on...I'm beginning to think that Hiker may associate my leaving her for 5 or 6 hours when I go to my group on Tuesdays with my gathering up the trash. Why do I think that you ask? Well, before I go to my group, I always gather all of the trash in the house and put it out in the big trash bin so that when I come home from my group in the afternoon, I can put the bins out by the curb for pickup. Lately, Hiker has been “attacking” me and the trash bags I am taking out to the bins. She tries to grab the trash bags and I'm always afraid she's going to get hold of one and tear it to shreds and the trash will be all over the house. I'm now thinking that she associates the trash with my leaving her and maybe she thinks if she “kills” the trash, I won't leave her. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's a thought. Group was good today. Had a full-house again. Shed some tears but also laughed. Went to lunch with DeDee, Linda, Jane and Ruth and we always enjoy our conversations. Probably because we all understand each other. When I got home, I got kisses from Hiker. She “helped” me put the trash bins out and she went up to get the mail with me, then I took her down to the park. There was a man there that came up to ask me what kind of dog she was and he told me how pretty she was (which I already know LOL). Came home and relaxed. Pretty good day after all.

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